10 Things I Know Now (That I Didn't Know When I Was Childless)

I admit that before I became a mom, there were quite a few things I didn’t really understand about my friends who had kids. I didn't get why my friends never seemed to be able to talk to me on the phone for long, or why whenever we did talk, their kids were always screaming in the background; I didn't understand how people could let their kids dress in mis-matching outfits at church or around town (and truthfully, I still don't get that one); and I definitely was perplexed at how people could let their children walk around with dried snot under their noses for hours. The biggest misperception I had was why my friends had such difficulty coming to our house for dinner or wouldn't push back their child's bedtime by even 30 minutes so we could see each other. (I'd think to myself "Does one night really make that big of a difference? How much can it hurt to be 30 minutes late putting him/her to bed?"). Well, I have certainly learned a lot since those days of parent-less ignorance. I am now much more enlightened and have a lot more understanding and grace for other parents. I'd like to share a few things I have learned since I had my little ones:

1. Traveling with children is not easy. 

It takes many hours of packing and planning and food preparation just to get out of the house. Then there is the juggling of sippy cups, refills, snacks, drive-through lines and other treats just to keep the kids happy on the trip. Let's not forget the movies, toys, music, games and tricks that you must continually provide to ensure an enjoyable trip for all. And that is just to get to your destination! If you are traveling by car: once you have arrived, you will find it now takes three times as long to unpack the car as it used to before kids. (Remember the days of unpacking just your bag, your husband's bag and maybe 1 small cosmetic case? Now you will be lugging with you a pack-n-play, booster chair, diapers, wipes, sound machine, music box, special blanket and pillow for one child/ special pacifier and stuffed animal for another, toys, books, travel DVD player, baby spoons, sippy cups, jars of baby food, formula, bath toys, snacks, stroller, etc.). If traveling by plane: my greatest advice is to use a stroller or backpack for all children preschool age and lower. It will make your life so much easier!! We travel quite a bit and trust me; airports are no picnic with young children. Lastly, you must deal with how your children adjust to new environments, new beds, time changes, etc. Vacations are never the same once you have children!

2. How vulnerable you become. 

No one can ever tell you exactly what it feels like to hold your newborn baby for the very first time. Oh sure, friends will describe it, many books, songs and poems have been written about it, and your mom may try to ready you as well. But there is nothing that can prepare you for how truly vulnerable you feel when you hold that sweet baby and realize that you will never breathe again if you lost him/her. It is both terrifying and wonderful in the same breath. You feel the most happiness and the most sadness you could ever imagine in one blissful moment. I know that for me, it has lessened some but it never completely goes away. I live with the fear that I will never function as a normal human being, much less mom, again if I ever lost one of my children. I know people do... I just don't know how they do it? 

3. Relaxing by the pool is an oxymoron. 

Anyone who has children knows that taking them to the pool is not relaxing in any way, shape or form. And at least for the first 3 years of your youngest child's life, it will be the absolute opposite of relaxing for you. So if you are the kind of person who loves to get a suntan, read a book or take a nap by the pool... I suggest you do it as much as possible before you have kids, or plan an beach vacation with your hubby on occasion where you can truly relax (sans kids).

4. Schedules are important for children and sticking to them is necessary to maintain family happiness. 

Naps and bedtimes are much more important than I ever realized; and keeping your children on a schedule makes for a happier home. So... the next time your friend says she can't do something because it interferes with her child's nap or bedtime, be generous with your grace and understanding. She knows her child best and is only trying ensure an enjoyable time for everyone (including you!!).

5. Snot, poop, spit-up and vomit are not as gross as you think. 

Being that I'm not one to eat or drink after anyone, including my husband, unless I am desperate... you can only imagine that touching someone's snot, poop, spit-up or vomit immediately called for a hand-scrubbing followed by instant hand sanitizer. But once I had a baby - everything changed. I have wiped a stream of snot from my child's nose using my hands without thinking twice. I have worn spit-up on my outfit for hours before finally changing clothes (the smell fades after a few hours). I have had a child vomit all over me while I was kissing his cheek (and considering I am usually the "sympathetic vomiter" type... it was surprising I didn't vomit as well). And I'm pretty sure I've had poop on my hands, clothes and even hair at times. Moral is... I survived and I can certainly say the things I classify as "disgusting" these days have changed. Babies have a way of shifting your perspective... 

6. It takes A LOT of time to get even 1 child out the door - much less 2. 

Boy, did I underestimate this one in my planning. I thought if I had 1 diaper bag in the car always loaded and ready to go, I would be set. Let's just say it's a bit more complicated than that. Add breast feeding, a blow-out diaper, temper tantrums and lost pacifiers... and you're really behind schedule. The important thing with kids is to allow plenty of extra time - and then add 15 minutes on top of that.

7. How tired I would be - even after a good night's rest. 

Oh sure, I read how all new parents experience sleep deprivation so I expected it with a newborn. But now, with a 19 month old and a 3.5 year old, I thought those days were behind me. Think again! Chasing after a toddler and a preschooler, picking up all of their toys 10 times a day, playing referee to petty arguments, keeping the house clean, bathing 2 kids and putting them both to bed, and doing everything else it takes to run a household can be exhausting at times. I believed that after the kids went to bed I would have quality time to read my books, hang with my hubby and exercise. The truth is all I want to do after the kids go to bed... is go to bed myself! I know, I know... it's sad but true. Maybe I'll feel rested once they hit high school...

8. Just having an adult conversation without interruption or chaos is golden. 

I now understand why my friend's with kids weren't able talk on the phone when I called... there is literally something about holding a phone in your hand that causes your children to become as demanding and loud as possible. Nothing short of locking them out of your bedroom will solve the problem... oh, except getting off the phone (which is the last thing you want to do since you are probably craving adult interaction). So, learn to plan all of your phone calls around naptime once you have kids. You'll be too tired once they go down for the night...

9. Take lots of pictures and video... it all goes by too fast. 

When I first had Paisley, I didn't realize how quickly the time would pass. I thought I'd have plenty of time to capture that cute little sigh or the sweet coo's that she made in the morning, and I was sure I'd get her 1 year hand print done. You always think there will be time. But one day I woke up and she didn't do her cute little sigh anymore and I was just devastated I hadn't captured it on video. I learned a great lesson with that. Now I video or photograph anything I love that my kids do right away when he or she is doing it. There is no guarantee that they will do it again if I put it off... so I don't take any chances anymore.

10. My husband doesn't have to parent EXACTLY the same way I do. 

This is a hard one for me. Being the semi-"control freak" that I am sometimes... it's difficult to let go and let him parent our kids his own way. However, I have learned (and am still learning) that my husband can be a different kind of parent to our children than I am... and that's okay. As long as he and I agree on the important things (like discipline), he can teach them and play with them in his own style and they are only more well-rounded for it. And who knows - his way may at times be better than mine (but don't tell him I said that)!