What my daughter teaches me

So... Paisley is five years old now and we are starting to encounter "mean girls" already. Seriously??? How does that happen? How does a child learn to be mean at such a young age - and what is the motivation? There is a little girl in Paisley's Kindergarten grade that she sees occasionally on the playground. We'll call this little girl "Cici" (obviously not her real name) so that I can fully explain the story.

A few weeks ago, Paisley told me about Cici for the first time. She said that Cici was mean to her on the playground and told her she didn't want to be her friend. She even pushed Paisley down and hit her. I asked Paisley if the teachers punished Cici and she said that the teachers did not see, and she didn't tell them either. I asked if she was okay and Paisley said that she was. I admit she seemed relatively un-phased. A week or so later, she told me again that Cici was being ugly to her on the playground - and that she once again said she didn't want to be P's friend. I was disheartened. Paisley seemed to be taking it alright, so I didn't make a big deal over it. I just told Paisley that saying things like that wasn't very nice and she didn't want to behave like Cici. I told Paisley to be kind to everyone no matter how they treated her in return.

Skip ahead to the present, when Paisley told me that Cici now says she is her friend. Cici apparently came over to Paisley on the playground on Monday and gave her a gift (something small that she either found or brought from home) as a token of her friendship. Then yesterday she gave her something else. She is all about Paisley right now.

Paisley seemed pleased to tell me this - clearly, she thinks Cici is sincere.
I, of course, am skeptical.

I ask her if this is the same Cici that pushed her and was ugly to her a few weeks ago. She confirms that it is indeed the same girl. As a mama bear who knows all too well how hurtful girls can be to each other , I proceed to gently warn her to be careful. I advise her that she should be kind to everyone no matter how they treat her - but that there is a chance that Cici might return to her old ways and say something ugly again, and I don't want Paisley to get hurt by that. I even reminded her of a book we read a lot about Frances (the raccoon) and her friend, Thelma. In the book, Frances' mother tells her to be careful because every time she plays with Thelma, she seems to get the worst of it. And I told her that Frances is still nice to Thelma but she keeps her eyes open to make sure that Thelma doesn't trick her or hurt her again.

And that's when it happened. That's when my 5 year old little girl taught me a lesson instead. She said that she already knew that. She said that when Cici pushed her down on the playground and said ugly things to her that she just walked away. She didn't say anything ugly back to her, she didn't push back... she just walked away. In fact, she didn't even tell the teachers what happened. I could tell from the way she spoke about it that the incidence with Cici only mildly bothered her and she really wasn't phased by it.

Ever since I had Paisley and we noticed how strong-willed she was, people have been telling me that will "serve her well in life". I think I am now learning just what they mean by that. She doesn't get caught up in whether people like her or not. At least not yet! She just rolls with the punches and let's it keep on rolling right off her back.

I am proud of her. She didn't cry about it. She didn't tattle on Cici. She didn't even respond.
She just walked away.
I'm just guessing here, but I bet that's why Cici wants to be her friend now. It's often the ones who don't care that everyone likes the best. When the world sees weakness, they pounce. When they see strength, they often show respect.

Good for you, Paisley. I hope you have learned something by age five that some women take all of their lives to master. It's not how others see you - it's how you see yourself that matters.