I CAN imagine - and that is the problem!

I have been shaken to the core this morning by a story I heard on the news. I cannot stop crying. Sadly, this is just one of many tragic stories in the news each day, but for some reason this one hit me worse than the others. A 4 year old little girl climbed into her family's front-loader washing machine and her toddler brother managed to turn it on with her in there and she died. I am so devastated for this family.

Maybe it's because I have 2 children who are nearly the same ages are the children in the story. Maybe it's because I own a front-loader washing machine on which my toddler son is fascinated with pressing the buttons to see what happens. Maybe it's because I cannot imagine the pain this family must now endure... the guilt the mother will feel for taking her eyes off of her children for even 5 minutes (which is how quickly this happened)... the pain this little boy will grow up with knowing he (albeit accidentally) killed his older sister... the sorrow they all will feel year after year as they live their life without her in it. Nothing will ever be the same for any of them. Their lives, in just 5 short minutes, were forever changed in the worst way!

It's unreasonable I know... but I am now obsessed with teaching Paisley to never climb in a front-loader washing machine or dryer no matter what the circumstance!! The scariest thing is I can potentially see this happening to me one day. Paisley and Colby are playing together happily in the playroom. I go to quickly check my email or change clothes (something all mom's do from time to time without a second thought). The kids begin to chase each other around the main floor - ending up in the laundry room where Paisley thinks it's funny to climb in the front-loader to see if she fits. Colby closes the door on her and begins to press the buttons (thinking this too is funny). The machine starts and he can neither stop it nor open the door (because once it starts, you can't open it unless you have pressed the button, not once but twice, to stop the machine).

This whole scenario has just been added to my list of unbearable nightmares that I forever live with as a mother. The vulnerability of imagining a life without one of my precious children... especially due to a tragedy that could have been prevented. I worry about these nightmares daily. I obsess with how to prevent them all. But I cannot live that way. I cannot live in fear. I cannot let the Devil control my thoughts. I must place these fears and worries in God's hands and trust in Him. It is the only way to live my life. I know that - but it's not always that easy. This is a battle I fight every day. Worrying vs. laying my fears at His feet and trusting that He will never give me more than I can handle. Even though the imperfect part of me wants to remind Him of what I think I can and cannot handle - just in case He doesn't know. The irony, of course, is that He knows all of this better than I do.

I sincerely pray that this family knows the Lord. I hope they can place their devastation, unbearable pain and absolute sorrow at His feet and let Him carry them through this. There is no other way (that I can see) to survive such heartache.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18