Easter to a 4 year old

Happy Easter, friends. He is risen! I'm so blessed and grateful for my King! Isn't this just a wonderful day! It has always been one of my favorites.

I asked Paisley this afternoon if she remembered what was special about today - of course, we went to church this morning then opened the basket of goodies left by the Easter Bunny (and Nana) afterwards, and she has been learning about it in school for weeks, so there has been plenty of mention of what today is... but I wanted to see how she'd answer me.

She guessed correctly that today was Easter. I asked her what was special about Easter. And this is how she answered.
"Jesus gives us spring bunnies... (pause) and He gave us life too."
Simplistic. Yes.
True. Yes.
Were there some major omissions in her definition? Yes... but in light of what today is really about, I know He understands.

In loving memory...

Sadness lingers in my heart today. My first baby - or at least it felt that way until I actually gave birth to a real baby almost 4 years ago - died this morning. His name was O'Malley and I was blessed to find him just 13 short years ago. I met him at an adoption center at Petsmart and he literally chose me - but it was mutual love at first sight. He was just a teeny thing then - only 6 weeks old. White and grey and the cutest thing I had ever seen. The entire litter was abandoned by their mother and the foster parents had given them musical names. His was Fugue... which we quickly changed to O'Malley (after the Disney flick - the Aristocats) once he was officially mine.

I know many of you reading this probably hate cats. A large number of people I know do - but let me tell you this cat was loving and kind from day one. He was my best bud in many ways - sleeping at the foot of my bed with me (sometimes on the top of my pillow), letting me cry into his fur during sad times and greeting me with happiness after I had been gone. And nothing made him happier than curling up on my lap on the couch late at night while I watched TV.

I feel guilt in many ways... because my marriage interfered with my relationship with O'Malley quite a bit. He and Curtis immediately took a disliking to each other and Curtis forbid him to sleep in bed with us or to get on the couch with me. Looking back, I wish I had fought for his rights a little more but I wanted to keep peace in the house so I assumed it didn't matter that much. Looking back, I am filled with regret about that. Then when my kids came along it became even more difficult for me. There is only so much love a person can give and my husband and kids came first - what was left was for O'Malley... but that wasn't always very much. He stayed in the basement a lot - his choice - but if I had seen him more, I think I would have remembered to love him more. Regrets, regrets... it's hard to look back and see things differently once it's too late.

I know he's just a cat but he was part of my family. He was part of me. I will always cherish the happy memories he brought to my life. I only hope I brought him half as much in return...

Are we strong or just spoiled?

This is the question Beth Moore posed in her "Esther: It's Tough To Be A Woman" study last night and I cannot get it out of my head. She's referring to our faith in God and how it would hold up under tougher circumstances. I am blessed to live in a country where I have freedom of religion and no one is going to persecute me or look down on my for loving Jesus. Oh sure, there are some that will criticize if I come across TOO religious or TOO bible-loving. But overall being a christian in America is a wonderful thing and most will lovingly accept my faith. My girlfriend, Leigh Ann, just returned from a mission trip in India. She met people there who have been ostracized from their family and friends for their faith in Jesus; people whose only "church" to worship in is the shade of a tree out in a field (in 75+ degree weather) but they cherish their time of worship. I know people who won't drive to church in a heated, well-furnished building because it's raining outside that day. Man, we take things for granted in this country, don't we?

How about the story of Job? Satan challenged God that Job was only devoted to Him because God had blessed him (Job) so much. He questioned God: "if you take away what matters to him most, will he still love and worship you or will he curse you instead?" Well, certainly Job showed Satan that his faith was strong and not just spoiled!! God took away everything that mattered to him - his wife, his children, his property and his health... one by one. Yet, Job's faith did not waver. He was devoted and loving to God throughout. How I wished I knew for sure that I was that strong? Of course no one would ever wish to go through any of the following tragedies personally but how I wish I knew if my faith would withstand them. I wish I could be 100% sure that if a gun was put to my head and I was told to deny my faith in God, that I would refuse and instead sing "The Lord's Prayer" as they pulled the trigger - as some of the children did at Columbine. Wouldn't I love to know without a shadow of a doubt that I would stand by God if I lost my entire family tomorrow? I don't even know how you begin to get up off your knees and go on in that situation, but I believe that God would lift me up and hold me until I am strong enough to support myself. And I pray that I would trust in Him to get me through it... I don't know any other option? I feel extremely heartbroken for someone who loses a child... but even more heartbroken for someone in the same position that doesn't know God. Where do they turn? Who carries them when they cannot walk themselves? Who shows them love when they cannot even find all of the pieces of their heart to begin putting it back together? Who heals them - when medicine and worldly cures only make them feel worse inside?

My friend, Shannon, has a close friend who lost a child in her 39th week of pregnancy. The baby was fine one day and then wasn't moving the next. She went in for tests and everything looked alright so they sent her home. They didn't do an ultrasound which might have shown a problem. The next day, no movement again and she went back. There was no heartbeat. Imagine, after years of infertility and miscarriages, carrying a baby 39 weeks inside of you, opting not to induce because you wanted to let the baby come in it's own time, and doing everything right to protect your child... and one mistake by your Dr. that could absolutely have been prevented, and you end up burying your baby before you even get the chance to know who he was! No one should feel that pain. But the woman this happened to did not turn from God. No, she turned TOWARDS God. She prayed more, she believed more, she trusted more and she loved God more. She even asked her friends, and their friends, and their friends, etc. to pray with her... and for her... and most importantly to praise God for His goodness and grace. In your time of sorrow and loneliness, can you say that you would do the same? I don't know if I could. Well, happily her faith has been rewarded and she is due to have a baby in September. She has been rewarded for her faith and love... just as God rewarded Job.

I personally am going to pray for more strength and more devotion. That no matter what comes my way, my faith will stay strong. I cannot imagine losing my health, my husband, or my children - but I know that without God... I have nothing and I must keep that relationship strong so that when this world lets me down, I can lean on His love and His grace to carry me through.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. "(Deuteronomy 31:6)

God - the most handsomest prince of all!

Paisley just came up to me and asked if she could tell me a story. "Of course" was my reply. I asked her what the story was about?
She said "Heaven."
This got my complete attention. I was curious what she would say about heaven so I listened carefully.
The story began this way, "I went to Heaven this morning. And when I got there, I saw a big beautiful mirror. And God asked me to look into the mirror and tell Him what I saw. So I looked and I saw God in the mirror."
I said "Wow, you saw God? What did He look like?"
Paisley took my face in her hands and looked me dead in the eyes as she said "Mama, He is the most handsomest prince of all!"
This made my heart smile.
"So what happened next?" I asked.
Paisley continued, "Then God looked in the mirror. He looked very carefully and He smiled, and then everything was beautiful just like Him... (pause) (big smile - for both of us) and we ALL lived happily ever after!"

I don't mean to insert too much meaning in my child's sweet story but I sure do like that God is her "most handsomest prince of all" and that she "lived happily ever after" in heaven with Him. Since the day she was born, my greatest two hopes for her would be that she'd love the Lord with all of her heart and that she'd find a wonderful man to grow old with one day. I don't know what qualities she'll look for in a man when she grows up - but if she holds onto this standard, I know she'll be just fine!

Stories (of all kinds)

Paisley loves stories. We always read 10-20 minutes of books to her before bedtime every night. After that, she'll ask whoever puts her to bed to tell her (at least) one story. She usually dictates who the major characters are and sometimes what they are doing... but she always wants you to create the main plot of the story line. One night as I was listening as Curtis put her to bed, she asked him to tell her a story about how we met. He told her our story and did a really great job in doing so (considering we met in a bar - which is NOT how either of us wanted to meet our soul mate - he smoothed over that part of the story very nicely). I was teary eyed listening to him. It's one of those "Hallmark commercial" moments... and I loved it.

The other day her babysitter, Raz, was putting her to bed. She read her several different books and told her several stories, and after some time she finally told Paisley it was time to go to sleep. Paisley said to Raz "Please Ms. Raz - just one more." Raz thought for a moment and replied "Alright, just one more." She picked up a book and began to read to her.

Paisley quickly interrupted her.
"No, Ms. Raz... not like that.... I want you to read me a book from your mouth."
:-)

The many costumes of Colby (remember he DOES have an older sister!!)

Colby loves to dress up like Paisley and Mama. He spends 75% of his time with women so keep that in mind as you look over these pictures. At least we know he's in touch with his more feminine side... I'm hoping this will make him a more sensitive husband one day. :-)

It has to end one day... but boy do I cherish it now.

These are just a few of the things we hear Paisley and Colby tell us and others each day. I love hearing such sweet things from their little mouths but I know one day it will all come to a screeching halt (for a period of time, at least). I try to remember to cherish it now and hold onto these memories through those trying, adolescent years. :-) I wish they could stay sweet like this forever.

Paisley:
"You make my heart sing!"
"I love you always and forever."
"I love you more than all of the moon and stars in the sky."
"I love you most of all."
"You're my favorite, bestest friend in the whole world."
"You make my heart smile when I think of you."
"I love you more and more each day."

Colby:
"I (long pause) LOVE (long pause) YOU!!" (as he points and grins)
"Mam" (he's trying to say 'Yes Mam" but it's so cute the way he just says "mam"
"Yea!!" (his excitement at seeing me when I walk in his room to get him)

Happy 65th Birthday, Pop!!

Happy Birthday, Pop!
We all love you very much.
Wish we could be there in person to celebrate with you!
But we did do this little video for you - check out mom's facebook page to see the outtakes as well.

The Dentist

Paisley just brought me a whole tray of pretend food - most of which she informed me was ice cream and cupcakes. (We're going to a birthday party in a few hours so I'm sensing that she has sweets on the brain.) Then she quickly informs me that the tray of food is not for me, but rather it's for her dentist. Her dentist? Really?? Since she has only been to Dr. Mike once and it was a year ago, I am astonished that she is thinking about him all of the sudden today. Of course, he's a friend and neighbor but I still am surprised she has brought him up out of the blue.

So I ask her, "This is for Dr. Mike?" To which she quickly replies, "No."
Ok, now I am really curious. My best friend is also married to a dentist and Curtis has been having some work done on his teeth recently so I'm now thinking maybe she's talking about Chuck.

So next I say to her, "Oh, this is for Uncle Chuck then?" Again, she says, "No!" without hesitation, and I might add sounding a little annoyed with me at this point.

I decide that it's best that I stop guessing and just ask her to tell me who will be the recipient of her yummy food. She tells me it's for O'Malley.
I smile.
O'Malley is our cat.

I then ask, "O'Malley is a dentist?" and she says "Yes..."
(pause)
"O'Malley is the dentist of the Lord."

My cat should be so honored.

I CAN imagine - and that is the problem!

I have been shaken to the core this morning by a story I heard on the news. I cannot stop crying. Sadly, this is just one of many tragic stories in the news each day, but for some reason this one hit me worse than the others. A 4 year old little girl climbed into her family's front-loader washing machine and her toddler brother managed to turn it on with her in there and she died. I am so devastated for this family.

Maybe it's because I have 2 children who are nearly the same ages are the children in the story. Maybe it's because I own a front-loader washing machine on which my toddler son is fascinated with pressing the buttons to see what happens. Maybe it's because I cannot imagine the pain this family must now endure... the guilt the mother will feel for taking her eyes off of her children for even 5 minutes (which is how quickly this happened)... the pain this little boy will grow up with knowing he (albeit accidentally) killed his older sister... the sorrow they all will feel year after year as they live their life without her in it. Nothing will ever be the same for any of them. Their lives, in just 5 short minutes, were forever changed in the worst way!

It's unreasonable I know... but I am now obsessed with teaching Paisley to never climb in a front-loader washing machine or dryer no matter what the circumstance!! The scariest thing is I can potentially see this happening to me one day. Paisley and Colby are playing together happily in the playroom. I go to quickly check my email or change clothes (something all mom's do from time to time without a second thought). The kids begin to chase each other around the main floor - ending up in the laundry room where Paisley thinks it's funny to climb in the front-loader to see if she fits. Colby closes the door on her and begins to press the buttons (thinking this too is funny). The machine starts and he can neither stop it nor open the door (because once it starts, you can't open it unless you have pressed the button, not once but twice, to stop the machine).

This whole scenario has just been added to my list of unbearable nightmares that I forever live with as a mother. The vulnerability of imagining a life without one of my precious children... especially due to a tragedy that could have been prevented. I worry about these nightmares daily. I obsess with how to prevent them all. But I cannot live that way. I cannot live in fear. I cannot let the Devil control my thoughts. I must place these fears and worries in God's hands and trust in Him. It is the only way to live my life. I know that - but it's not always that easy. This is a battle I fight every day. Worrying vs. laying my fears at His feet and trusting that He will never give me more than I can handle. Even though the imperfect part of me wants to remind Him of what I think I can and cannot handle - just in case He doesn't know. The irony, of course, is that He knows all of this better than I do.

I sincerely pray that this family knows the Lord. I hope they can place their devastation, unbearable pain and absolute sorrow at His feet and let Him carry them through this. There is no other way (that I can see) to survive such heartache.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Play on words

Paisley began to complain the other day that her feet were hurting. I assumed she had outgrown her shoes. The conversation went something like this:

Paisley: "Help, my feet are hurting. My feet are really hurting!!"

Me: "Oh no, sweet girl - let me see. Are your shoes hurting your feet?"

Paisley: (highly annoyed) "No, Mama! My shoes are NOT hurting my feet. My feet are hurting inside of my shoes!"

Which came first - the babygirl or the egg?

Same old question - just substitute the word "chicken" with the word "babygirl" and not much changes. However, when it comes to humans the answer is a little more miraculous and fascinating.  Most people have probably never even thought about this question - certainly most men haven't. I would even guess that among women the number who have considered it is on the smaller side as well. However, in my opinion, this ranks up there as one of the most amazing realities of our female biology. It is so clear that God developed us with a future and a plan in place. And the future actually depends on the present which relies on the past - all in the same moment. If you still are not following me, read on...

As women, we are all born with 2 million eggs in our ovaries. Pretty amazing huh? That number is dwindled down to 300,000 by the time we hit puberty and only 400 eggs will actually be released during a woman's entire reproductive life. What's even more fascinating is that we have the most eggs we'll ever have before we are even born. That's right! Inside our mother's womb, a female baby has 6-7 million eggs in her ovaries. Isn't that incredible? I had the eggs that produced Paisley and Colby when I was inside my mom's belly. And my mom had the eggs that would later produce me and my brother when she was inside of her mom. Paisley has already created her her future offspring (should she decide to have some) and hopefully several of them will be fertilized one day (a long, long, long time from now) and that will be my grandchildren... and even though that seems so far away now, it's incredible to think that the building blocks (so to speak) were created before Paisley even took her first breath. 

Imagine that? Paisley was formed by my egg which had been formed while my body was still forming inside my mom's body. And while my body was forming Paisley - she was forming her future children - and all of this depended on my eggs that were formed 32 years prior before I was even born. There really is no disputing God's plan for us or the circle of life. It's very, very cool.

Can anything be organic?

I am constantly amazed at the wide range of things that can be classified as "organic". Sure I understand how food items and cleaning supplies are organic. But there are other things that claim to be organic that just do not make much sense to me. Generally, someone who is searching for organic is looking for the healthier option, right? Webster's defines organic as "not using, or grown without, artificial fertilizers or pesticides" Therefore, given that definition... a few oddballs that stand out to me are organic mattresses, organic manure, and, in my opinion, the worst offender of all: organic cigarettes. Seriously?? Are you kidding me here? As if anything about smoking a cigarette is healthy for you in the first place - so why would someone care about organic vs. non in this instance? My friend, Stephanie, found this ad in a magazine and as soon as I heard about it, I was fascinated. The ironic thing is that even if they are hoping to dupe you into thinking that this is a healthier alternative when smoking, they are still required by law to post the following warning on their packaging. I personally would love to talk to the idiot who actually wastes their money on such a hoax. (Newsflash: If it's healthy you seek - quit smoking!!!)

More random things about me...

I was responding to a request from a friend on Facebook and thought I'd post my answers here too. These are 25 random things about me (that you may not know or care to know):

1. I love photography- especially candid shots of real moments in time. I have about 3 photographers that I use to photograph my children regularly (besides me and my dad) and it drives my husband crazy. I figure I'll never get these moments back so I better capture them while I can.

2. I always dreamed about having a daughter (and am thrilled that I was blessed with one) but never knew how much of a crush I would have on my little boy. He has absolutely stolen my heart!

3. I am proud to say I was the wedding planner for the first wedding ever held at Turner Field (where the Atlanta Braves play baseball) - the couple got married on the actual field.

4. I am fortunate enough to have traveled to 41 of the 50 states in America (plus the District of Columbia). One of my favorite spots in the US is Grafton, Vermont... what a small quaint piece of Americana!

5. When I die, I'd like my epitaph to say that I was a great mom and a loving wife.

6. I hate drugs of any kind and avoid taking them at all cost: I prefer that my dentist drill on me without Novocain and I requested no epidural for my labor and delivery of both my children.

7. I love to read, but was surprised at how much I absolutely love the Harry Potter book series. I even cried like a baby when I finished the last book.

8. I wish my parents lived down the street from me (instead of 3 hours away)... I love to watch them interact with my children.

9. I am married to one of the most fun, giving and true people that ever walked this earth. I love him so much!!

10. I love playing tennis. I only started a few years ago, but have become completely addicted to it.

11. I can't stand judgmental people - no one knows what it's like to be you, but you. I love people who take the time to understand you and accept you for the person you are - flaws and all.

12. I am too trusting of people sometimes and as I grow older, I've (sadly) learned that I really only have a handful of TRUE friends on this earth.

13. I have always wanted to be a mom and have a (big?) family. It's really the only dream I can remember from when I was young. (The big part is debatable now, but I've been blessed with the family part.)

14. I love to travel. Some of my favorite international spots are Puerto Varas, Chile; Santorini, Greece; and Lucerne, Switzerland.

15. One of the happiest memories I have of my granddad (who died last year) is seeing him with my children (his only 2 great-grandchildren). He was crazy in love with them and the pride in his eyes when he looked at them moved me to tears. I feel blessed for the time they had together and that Paisley still remembers him.

16. I love the smell of a wood burning fire, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies, a newborn baby's skin and the air outside just after it's rained on a summer's day.

17. My greatest fear is the loss of one of my children. I don't know how I'll ever breathe again if anything ever happens to one of them!

18. I've always thought that once my kids were grown, if I could do anything I would write a novel or be a public speaker. I love being an event planner too.

19. I love being pregnant but it bums me out that my body won't go into labor on it's own... my babies just don't want to leave my womb, I guess.

20. My granddad owned a cabin in a small town in NC (now my mom and her siblings own it) and I love going there more than any place on earth. I go there to find peace and feel closer to God.

21. I was on the same ValuJet plane that landed in Miami on May 11, 1996 then turned around to return to Atlanta and crashed in the everglades.

22. I love ice cream. It is one of my favorite things to eat. By popular demand, I'm also adding that I love to put ketchup on my macaroni and cheese (it's better than it sounds) and I can eat a whole carton of french onion dip with my baked Ruffles in one sitting. And lastly, on the food front... I can eat a whole box of Thin Mints in one sitting too. It's sad but true!

23. My greatest hope is that I live until I'm really old... not for myself, but for my children. I cannot imagine the pain in losing a mother when you're young (or ever for that matter).

24. I love the beach - the sound, smell and sight of it. I love watching my children play on the beach... but I do not care so much for getting in the ocean.

25. I often wonder how I became so fortunate. I have a great life.

I feel the hope too!

No, I didn't vote for him.
No, I didn't think he was the best choice for our country.
No, I wasn't initially excited when he won.
It was a policy thing for me.
And I was disappointed in the early hours of November 4th when it became clear how the election would end.
But I watched the coverage. I watched the celebration. I watched the tears of millions of Americans - of all colors, race and religions. I listened to his acceptance speech - it was eloquent (as he often is). And I found myself wanting to believe.

I still want to believe!

I want to believe that he stands for bi-partisanship. That he stands for peace. That he stands for hope and possibility. That he doesn't care what party you are in as long as you have a solution that might help with some of our nation's challenges. I want to believe that he cares about bringing us together as a country. I want to believe that he will do what is necessary to protect us from terrorists and other evils in the world. I want to believe that he will stand behind our troops. I want to believe that he really is the family guy that he seems to be. That he loves God and will place all important decisions in His hands. I want to believe all that.

It's inauguration day and I feel it.
I feel the history being made.
I feel the excitement.
I feel the hope and optimism.
I almost wish I was there - watching all of those people celebrate this historic day for our country. I was there in 2004 and it was awesome then. I can only imagine the energy that is there today. I get teary eyed thinking of Dr. King and all that he fought for that has now been achieved. I am proud to live in a country where we can elect an african-american president.

The truth is that no matter what party I belong to, I have always been patriotic above all else. My love for America is stronger than any party or any politician. And I will stand behind any leader we have (even Clinton) because we are nothing if we do not stand together. If we cannot put aside our differences and work together to strengthen our country, then we will destroy ourselves eventually. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies in this country... sometimes.

So today I find myself hoping. I hope that he is all that he portrays himself to be. I hope that he can do a lot of good for our country. I hope that he trusts in God for everything and keeps Him at the center of our nation.
I hope. Don't you hope too?

May God bless America!
And may God watch over and guide our new President - Barack Obama!