When I was pregnant with Paisley, I was adamant I would never give her a pacifier. I made this decision based on countless articles I read in my MANY pregnancy books, magazines, blogs, etc. (I obviously had way too much time on my hands with my 1st pregnancy for the amount of reading I was able to do). The articles that swayed me claimed that giving a baby a pacifier might cause "nipple confusion" in a breastfed baby... and since I wanted desperately to breastfeed for a year, I did not want any of the above confusion for my little one. Skip ahead to the night after she was born in the hospital. I was having trouble sleeping with her in my room because I was so fearful of SIDS so I asked the nurse to take her to the nursery for a few hours allowing me some rest. The older, seemingly wiser, and extremely blunt nurse asked me if she was allowed to have a paci when she cried and I said (drowsily) "No, I don't want her to have nipple confusion" to which the nurse harshly replied, "Oh, that's bunk! You don't need to worry about that, she'll be fine". And in my exhausted and slightly startled state (the nurse was a little harsh about it), I caved and said it was fine to give her a pacifier.
Thus began a long love affair between Paisley and her paci.
She absolutely adored that darn thing and it quieted her within seconds. I must admit, I grew to love it too. Paisley was a great baby and didn't cry often, but on the off-moment when she did get upset about something, that paci was always a sure and steady friend until I could feed her, change her or put her to bed. However, when she turned one... paci was TOO good of a friend and we had trouble weaning her off. She had that thing in her mouth for more pictures than not. And it only got worse... soon we couldn't go anywhere without it.
When she turned 2 years old, I decided it was fine that she had one because she'd be seeing her baby brother with a pacifier in his mouth and inevitably she'd want one too. Colby, on the other hand, was fine with one on occasion but really didn't prefer it for most of his infant life. In fact, it wasn't until I had pushed it on him so long that he finally began asking for it at 10 months (just before I was going to make his paci "disappear"). Yes, he too, decided it was his best friend. (Sigh). Now he's completely addicted and asks for it all the time. Here we go again...
The good news is that I had heard horror stories of kids in Kindergarten still wanting their paci and I feared Paisley might fall into that category. But we made some rules where paci was only allowed at bedtime, and we stopped giving it to her unless she asked for it... and all of the sudden she didn't ask one night... or the next... or the next. It was almost too easy... (almost)!
Here's the bittersweet part. I am thrilled on one hand - it was easier than I thought and pretty much a "non-event" - and I'm mourning on the other - does this mean she's not my baby anymore? The passing of the paci seems to have saddened me more than it's saddened her. I know I should just focus on the positive... her dentist will be thrilled; there wasn't any begging, pleading or tantrums; no heart-wrenching nights; and let's not forget that I don't have to search for that darn thing all over the house on a daily basis anymore and the world won't have to stop when we can't find it. Yet I have a 3.5 year old daughter who is growing up too fast and I can't stop the runaway train no matter how hard I try. The passing of the paci is symbolic to me of what is to come. In my eyes, she now seems so much older than her true age... and so much less of my little baby. I can see her with her first prom date. There she is leaving the house for college. I can envision her walking down the aisle to start her life with someone new. Here I am still clinging to her "babyness" with everything I have; and, for me, her pacifier played an important role in helping me do that. I will celebrate this exciting transition...soon. But for now I am going to mourn a bit.
Today, it's goodbye paci. Tomorrow, it's goodbye baby.
2 comments:
None of mine ever took a pacifier - but I so know that feeling of my baby not being so much of a baby anymore. Alan's 3.5 too. Wonder if it's the age. Every day he sounds a little more grown up and big kid like. it's exciting and fun, but sad, too. I love the picture of Paisley walking down main street in her cinderella dress with her shades...
Marin never took a pacifier...Clare adores hers. I know the wistfulness of the growing older....I'll never forget when I was at the pediatrician once with Marin and he was explaining a child's emotional development. Something along the lines of at first she will never leave your side, then she will gradually begin to explore her surroundings as long as you are still in the room and she can see you. Then she will move on to other rooms as long as she can still hear you. And then she'll feel comfortable going places like preschool for hours at a time without you there. He concluded with "and then one day she'll get her own apartment." I nearly burst into tears on the spot.
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